


Mistakes Heavier Than Gravity

by StainedGlassDreams



Series: Earth, Please Come In, Over [12]
Category: Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Love, Memory, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-07 09:46:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5452259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StainedGlassDreams/pseuds/StainedGlassDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daisy reflects on the weight of her own... & her hope for Bucky's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Daisy sipped her coffee, checking the next routes for the trip.

Silently input them as she tried to do it as quickly as she could.

Polaria wasn't....

She put down the coffee, cursing the board.

....Dammit.

She reminisced on it. The errors in what could have been corrected. The numbers that skipped.  
When your soul is in electronics, technology, a part of you tries to find something, anything wrong with the code. Numbers in sequence, skipping a letter & making a program trip.  
It wasn't to find blame, no. Far from it.  
If your heart is in code, you look ahead, as far as the future can stretch to the human mind, to avoid the upcoming jump.  
To fix it.

....She silently cursed, missing the letter.

It was choppy from the start, the mission integrating them into a reality that was more Strange's realm than anything.  
The atmosphere made of....

Turned to look at space. The infinite, holding every single code of chance. Stars glistening to visitors rarely ever seen.

....She didn't know. The readout was impossible, the chemistry unlike everything, or anything.  
Then again, every new world held something like this; every dock, a new miracle.  
...But there.. The atmosphere was composed of conscience.  
Memory, and the ability to read it.

Clenched lightly. She shouldn't have taken it.

The leader of the planet had detected the ship, despite Daisy not seeing radar detection.  
The atmosphere was able to....

She sighed. Had no clue how to enter this into the logs.

The memory was different for each of them, but the heavy pink fog that enveloped them as the leader's defense for the planet became the screen for their worst memories.  
Daisy's.... Well, she knew what was coming. Turned away, trying to ignore it.

Bucky on the other hand... The atmosphere had a thousand and one different things to choose from. Could've gone with anything from the catalogue that Bucky kept hidden from everyone.  
But there was one thing that was hurting him more than anything right now, along with the other wounds that never closed.

Input coordinate.

She shouldn't have agreed to go there.  
She had to escort him back to the ship, using the tracker on him kept there for emergencies.  
....Could barely talk, his heart rate a mess & eyes farther than the ship.  
She brought him back, setting him down in the infirmary. Told her no.

Calculations for the speed/distance popped into the screen.

Kept saying he wanted to be alone.  
"Stop being stubborn. This is beyond that, we still have no idea what was down there besides the read out."  
Caught his breath. "Please.", he spoke.  
Held back the instinct of keeping him in observation, honoring his wishes and escorting him back to his room.

It was now 3 hours, and he hadn't come out yet.  
& it was her fault.

Her coffee grew cold, the pauses in her keystrokes.

Tried not to think of his eyes. .....That wall he had put up to Daisy, to everyone who didn't know him well enough to know the true amount;.crumbled to dust.  
That pain & loss, more painful than seeing two stars burst into gas.

She fought the urge to check his vital readout again, giving in. Normal. Privacy: ON.  
To be the Man on the Wall meant stopping threats before they happened. Act tirelessly, to be selfless.  
There are millions of worlds, Strange had told her. & countless multiverses to go with them.  
The decisions we make, outline the course of those world's.

Walked over the port.

& what pained her, was that behind the wall he kept up; in this eyes that he pleaded with, held every decision he ever made. Each, & every one, done for someone else.  
And despite that, that sacrifice, he believed he deserved nothing.

She couldn't see his memory, but knew what it was.  
The fear that this decision, though equally selfless as all the others(hell, if not more), was the wrong decision this time.

It was the fear that he wouldn't have the chance to fix it.

Sighed, looking at the monitor one more time.  
"....Fuck you Polaria."


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky sat in his room.

Had no idea how much time had already passed. Wasn't sure he wanted to know.

The memories were still fresh in his mind. Every mission, Every wrong decision.

Decision.

His head hurt almost as much as his chest, trying to get himself to look at the digits on the clock. Anything to ground his mind.

But all of it...every wrong decision, every fight, every control... They all hurt. They all opened wounds he never wanted open again.  
In the middle of the vision though, the one Daisy (he thinks Daisy, had to have been, no one else. His mind swore he saw red hair but his mind couldn't be trusted right now), pulled him out of, was Natalia.  
"Who the hell is James?"

Nobokov's last laugh, ringing silent in his ears.

Natalia, laying on their bed, her red spirals, touching his hand.  
"[Why did you leave?]"

"Who the hell is James?"

Travelling through time, not to fix a wrong, but just have one more moment.  
"[You could've changed this.]"

Put the palm of his hand to his forehead.

"You could have changed this."

Clawed his way out enough to see the clock. "23:56"  
3 hours.  
Made sure privacy was on.

He could have changed this. He can.  
....He just....

"Why didn't you change this?"

"I can't."


	3. Chapter 3

He turned.

  
"Come on Bucky!"

This wasn't right.

Her name was Susie, from his graduating class, taking Bucky by the arm. "C'mon hot shot! You said you were gonna show me how to dance!" Swing music blaring. Steve was in the corner, as he nodded to Bucky.  
He looked down, the brown sleeve familiar. He was wearing his brown regulation suit.

(Come on, snap out of it)

A figure came out of the crowd, red hair falling gently from shoulders, a black dress flowing with her steps.  
....A smile that could keep the world lit until it stopped turning.  
"Never knew you could dance, soldier."  
".....Natalia."  
She smiled again as the room began to disappear, the crowd fading away into the black background.  
He danced with her softly, as the memory from the apartment began to overlap.  
"I'm so sorry."  
Natalia slowly stepped away, an arrow lodged in her calf., "Why did you leave?"

He was stepping in puddles, the rain coming down slowly.  
Nobokov stood in the background. "[The great Winter Soldier... Reduced to nothing without his Widow.]"  
He got out his gun, Nobokov no longer there. "All I did was remind you, Teacher."

He dropped his gun, as it fell into the mud. The trenches were deep but the fire continued above.  
He leaned against the wall of it. "They've got at least 5 companies. I'll create a diversion while you-"  
"Barnes, you're an idiot but this goes beyond your usual idiocy, you wouldn't last 5 seconds against those things!!"  
"Bet you those dice you keep playing with."  
Bucky stood up as Dugan yelled, pointing his gun.

He pointed the gun. Every mission, every atrocity, every nightmare that he remembered..

(Fell to his knees, but he was standing...)

Back to Arlington, as Nat shouted, the light in her eyes replaced by no recognition.  
Steve laying shot on the national steps.

"How you always lose everything you hold dear."

(He couldn't breathe.)

"Barnes!! Barnes!!!"

Someone?...

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Flashes of red.

"Hold onto me, that's it."  
Bucky began to gain back focus, looking at who he was holding.  
Flashes of red, but wrong.... Wrong face...

"We're going home."

He had lost home.


	4. Chapter 4

It was 3 hours later that Bucky emerged from his room. His walk was steady, back to normal. But his eyes....  
He moved with precision, but mechanically. Which was dangerous.  
His eyes might as well have been still in Polaria, heavy & far as stars.

All while guilt weighed on her.  
She spoke. " "Barnes-"

Barely caught his silent cringe, forgetting.

"....I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Polaria was my mis-"  
"Thank You."  
Daisy was surprised, not knowing why he would say that, after the previous day. ".....What?"  
"For pulling me out. ....I wouldn't have been able to make it out without you."

....Didn't deserve it. She had gotten them onto the planet. And she had only done what anyone would.  
Remembered how much she hated it when Bucky would say it.  
".....I still owe you."

He shook his head. "Other way around." Mouthed something in Russian, that if she remembered the language correctly, translated to something like "I owe too many."

Wished she didn't remember Russian.

Felt like multiple lunar spins before he spoke again. "I take full responsibility" He paused. "You warned me of the planet, I didn't listen."  
Daisy took a seat beside him, taking a giant leap of faith. "I'm still the commander of this ship Bucky. Contrary to your belief, I don't always have to listen to you." She smiled.  
Got a ghost of one back, his mind still on the planet.

The leap she was taking, giving her literal butterflies as one wrong move could make everything worse. "It wasn't your fault."  
Bucky looked at her, his eyes still just as heartbreaking to look at. "...Whatever you saw down there. It wasn't."  
Tried to hide his far-off gaze, as Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. "...You don't know that."  
The memory of what she saw down there... Bubbling over in her own private hell she let no one see. "I know what I saw." She looked straight at him, trying to reach wherever he was. "and I know it wasn't my fault. Pink mist or not." She paused. "Goes double for you."

Daisy's heart settled, as his tenseness became less apparent.

Poured him some coffee, the only thing should offer.  
He looked at it, then flicking his far gaze to her. "...Spasi-" Looked down, correcting himself as her heart sank further. "....Thanks."  
She lightly squeezed his shoulder. Couldn't offer him anything else.

Only gravity for mistakes.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this track: Перестань улыбаться сука by △Sco△  
> https://soundcloud.com/scowitchboy/ylibausa
> 
> Thank You so much for reading, you rock.. :')


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